I know this will just sound like an excuse, but I have been super busy the past few weeks. I’ve been looking for internships/jobs. I lost my wallet with my credit card, debit card, and ID and dealing with that took a bit of time. This is also my final semester of college so professors have bombarded me with a big workload. All in all, it’s been a bit stressful but I still managed to find a few things that made me happy.

• My new iPad 2 - A family member recently bought me an iPad 2 after listening to my mother complain about the amount of books I have at home that I don’t take with me to my apartment. I’m a bit of a book hoarder and I still have books from when I was in kindergarten that I just haven’t gotten rid of so I was debating buying either a Kindle or an iPad but I’m glad a decision was made for me without my having to spend a penny. I’ve downloaded the Kindle app on my iPad, but I realized that it’s also a pretty useful tool for bloggers like myself. I have Evernote, Photoshop Express, Tweetcaster, and other such organizational/social media-type apps. Can’t say it’s worth the money but a free iPad is a free iPad. Plus, my roommate got me addicted to Temple Run. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not.
• Once Upon a Time - Again, I have a roommate to thank for my new found addiction to something entertaining, but quite useless. She introduced me to this show and I’ve been hooked. It’s a bit confusing at first, but the story is kind of like the movie Enchanted mixed with Grimm Fairy Tales. I hate that this is making it on my list.
• Audrey Hepburn movies - I had this weird dream about Breakfast at Tiffany’s and it suddenly made me want to watch it. After I made that dream come true, I noticed My Fair Lady on my queue. So naturally I watched it. After that, it’s just been a string of old movies starring Audrey Hepburn. I’ve watched almost everything she’s been in – Roman Holiday, Sabrina, War and Peace, Charade, Funny Face - you name it, I probably saw it. It’s gotten to the point where I sometimes talk slowly in an old-timey fashion like she does. It was REALLY bad after I watched My Fair Lady because I developed a weird cockney accent. I’m not even British! And sometimes at night, I sing “Moon River” to sleep. It’s weird and I am creeping myself out with this odd obsession over Audrey Hepburn.
• Hot Chocolate - On cold winter days, like today, it’s nice curl up on your couch with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. I like when hot chocolate is in season.

Yum!

Happy Lunar New Year!

Standing in front of the Eisenhower Executive Office

It was a long time coming but I finally made it to the White House on Thursday, January 12. Well, I made it to the Eisenhower Executive Office.

Lead by Eddie Lee, the associate director for the Office of Public Engagement, the White House held a leadership briefing for Asian-American and Pacific Islander youth from all over the country.

It was interesting to say the least. The briefing was extremely educational and informative, as you can imagine, but I learned a lot about myself that day:

1. I realized I don’t identify myself as “Asian-American.” - I know this sounds weird but bear with me. My family mostly stopped associating with other Asians when I was small and because of this, I never grew up around a lot of Asians. Sure, we went shopping at Korean grocery stores at least once a week and I always eat rice and kimchi, but it never went beyond that. In high school, I was the only Asian among my group of friends so I was okay with being one of the minorities and, in fact, I was proud of my heritage. However, when I arrived at the conference and found myself in the middle of a sea of faces that looked like mine, I realized I was extremely uncomfortable and thought that I did not have as much in common with most Asians. I don’t identify myself as being Asian or even Asian-American. It’s only my ethnicity, not my identity. I am Deborah Yi and that’s how I identify myself. I wan to just leave it at that.
2. The “model minority” stereotype is detrimental to our success - Just because I don’t consider myself really Asian doesn’t mean others feel that way either. And because people perceive me a certain way, they will hold certain beliefs that may not be in my favor. I used to think that the “model minority” stereotype was not too bad. I mean, as far as stereotypes go, it could be worse and I’d rather people assume I’m very smart than assume I’m a drug dealer or something. But then I found myself wanting to avoid the topic of my race when I started applying to colleges because I found that once I check “Asian” under the “ethnicity” box, I’d be opening myself up to a whole new world of competition and pedestal. This is not okay.
3. There’s a reason why I don’t want to leave the DMV area - The DC, Maryland, and Virginia area is one of the most diverse and accepting community I have ever lived in. Because of the diversity found here, stereotypes and racism (though it may exist) is not as bad as some of the other places that I recently found out about. People I met at the briefing told me that theirs was the only Asian family ini the area and are subjected to some of the worst forms of racism every single day. It’s sad but it also made me feel quite fortunate to be from an area where diversity is the norm

All in all, it was an amazing eye-opening experience and I feel incredibly lucky to have gone, and though it was my first time at the White House, I hope that it will not be my last :]

Let’s face it: EVERYONE had an awkward or an ugly phase in their lives. Whether it happened in middle school, high school, college, or even after college, the period of our lives where we must depend on our personality, and not our looks, to make friends is inevitable in the lives of everyone.

For me, that phase was in high school. I was a bit chubby for my height and I never had the right clothes. I wore glasses, I hunched, and I had crooked teeth. It was not pretty.

In high school, there were girls who were beautiful and pretty, but then there was me. No matter what I did, I couldn’t be those pretty girls that all the guys wanted to ask out on a Friday night. In fact, most of my Friday nights were spent in my room with a mug of hot chocolate, curled up with a good book. I didn’t want people to point out how ugly and awkward I thought I was so I shied away from attention. I kept to myself and I made sure I was never in a position where there would be many people looking at me. The cafeteria was a nightmare so I would avoid it and eat in a classroom with a teacher or something. It was quite pathetic.

Chubby Deb in 2006

Then, I went to college and I grew into my looks. I got thinner, I wore clothes that flattered my figure. I found a good hairstyle that worked for me. I got taller, I stopped hunching, I got a boyfriend and I learned to be okay with my glasses and even feel better about myself.

But I never ever forgot where I came from. I was still an ugly girl trapped in the body of a cute girl, and I realized today that I am incredibly grateful that I had an awkward and ugly phase.

See, without that period in my life, I would never have figured out that I am a smart girl. I would have glided through life expecting things to be handed to me instead of thinking I had to work for it. I got to be editor in chief of my high school newspaper and I pretty much ran the school’s morning announcement broadcast my senior year. If I can do all that while I looked like a big loser, imagine what I can do with beauty AND brains?

I’ve met so many women who place self-worth in their appearance, and I’m sure everyone knows someone like that as well. My awkward and ugly stage taught me to look beyond that and I can be friends with that one guy everyone finds creepy. I’m not afraid to eat a hamburger on a date and if I need to burp in front of a cute guy, you better believe I’m not gonna hold in that burp.

Deb in 2011

To be honest, I still don’t think I’m that pretty, but I’ve definitely improved since high school and any improvement was huge for me. But I’m glad that no matter how much I change on the outside, because I used to be ugly and awkward, I can be comfortable being myself. I also wish an awkward and ugly stage for my future children someday so that they may someday look back and be glad of the impact it had on their lives as well. And I wish that everyone who reads this will also look back fondly to the time in their lives when they were ugly or awkward, or both.

I will always be grateful to the friends I made during this time because I know they are true friends. If they weren’t afraid to be seen with me in public back then, they are the the greatest friends anyone can have.

Did you have an awkward or ugly phase? When was this? Let me know in the comments below!

Let me just say that I am SO disappointed this show is on hiatus because it is absolutely brilliant. How can something that is basically a repeat of every crazy TV show/movie plot line seem so new and refreshing? It is truly a travesty that Community got pulled out indefinitely, but I digress.

What I really wanted to talk about are the characters. I found myself being drawn to Annie, because I honestly see a lot of myself in her. She is truly a character that I could see myself being friends with. Best friends with, as a matter of fact.

Annie Edison, played by the beautiful and hilarious Alison Brie, is a straight-laced student who will stop at nothing to overachieve. Sounds kinda similar to a certain blogger, no? Let me convince you.

1. She met her best friends in Spanish class – I met my best friends in Spain :O. Coincidence? Probably.
2. I was also a nerd in high school who had a big crush on the star athlete who never noticed me. Story of my life.
3. She is an overachiever.
4. You know that episode where she has a rivalry with Asian Annie? That Asian Annie could have been me! ‘Nuff said.
    
5. I have also worked on the school newspaper. In fact, I was the editor-in-chief of my high school newspaper
6. We’re both shorties. We are actually the same height.
7. I am also uncomfortable with my sexuality and if there were more people like us, we really wouldn’t have a need for STD fairs.
8. I also dress like a travel agent to be taken more seriously.

I don’t know about you but this video makes me really happy. I’m a big fan of both Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel so I thought their video was very appropriate for tonight.

Happy New Years!

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff - I’m known to be a little uptight. Well, maybe VERY uptight. I make extremely meticulous plans and I even come up with backup plans for my plans. Sometimes I make backup plans for my backup plans! I’ve taken a step back this winter break and realized I really need to let loose and make some mistakes. After all, Charles Gill once said, “There are many wonderful things that will never be done if you do not do them.” Wise words, Gill.
2. Embrace myself - I feel like ever since I got to college, I’ve been pretty down on myself. I guess I thought I was just being humble, but no one likes a Debbie Downer (that nickname totally applies because my name is “Deborah”). It was worse when I started to drown myself in relationships, work, and school and found that I didn’t really put much time into taking care of myself. I think I need to learn to enjoy my own company this year.
3. Care about school - It’s no secret that I have really bad senioritis this year. I can’t help it! I haven’t done actual work since my sophomore year of college. My professors during study abroad in Spain were extremely lenient when it came to grading and the past semester, I’ve so getting back into study/work mode has been difficult to say the least. I still managed to get good grades but I really feel like I have to work hard to get excited about school anymore. I’m just ready to get out already! But since I still have one last semester to go, it’s important that I end school strong!

So there you have it: My New Years Resolutions. I almost never take my resolutions seriously so I’m afraid to write more, in case I don’t follow through. But I’m confident that if I do all the things I resolve to do in 2012, it will lead to one happy Deb.

So do you guys have any resolutions? Let me know!

More specifically, I went to a pub. A very crowded pub with many friends from my high school days.

This is probably the time I should tell you guys that boyfriend and I broke up.

I don’t want to get too much into the details, but I was coaxed into going to a bar with two couples – a long-term relationship couple and a married couple. As much as I love my friends, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a fifth wheel. After all, I did just recently get out of a three year relationship, but they promised another good single friend of ours would be there as well and it would be good to get out of the house and do things to take my mind off of things.

And then, my friend said, “I’m sure there will be cute single guys. You could practice flirting!”

This terrified me.

I was never good at flirting and I don’t exactly have an approachable look. I always say the wrong thing. I trip and fall over nothing. I’m awkward and weird. When good looking men come up to me, the first thing I usually think of “who put him up to this?!” As sad and juvenile as this sounds, I am scared of men.

This was exactly why I went out with my friends to this pub last night.

I realized that I was sick and tired of being scared and hiding in my little bubble. I realized that I wanted to go out and live a little. I realized that I don’t like being so uptight about every little thing. I realized I don’t like being scared of every cute guy I see, and with a little nudging from my friends, I flirted with my first stranger.

I was eyeing him as soon as he walked into the pub. My friend took notice and they urged me to go talk to him. My fear took over for a minute, but my good friend played wing woman and took me over to talk to him. She introduced me to him and soon he and I were talking like we were the only ones there.

He took me to a quieter place at the bar where I soon found out that he had a brain under his super cute exterior. I found out he was older than me by 2 years. I found out he studied biology and is working towards his Master’s degree at the University of Maryland. I also found out he thought I was interesting and wanted to know more about what I did. He even bought me a drink to keep me around! By the end of the night we exchanged numbers and promised to talk again.

I’ve never flirted with a stranger before and I’ve never had a stranger buy me a drink before. It sounds kinda pathetic – it took over 20 years for a cute stranger to buy me a drink. But I’ve never put myself out there, in fear that I wouldn’t be attractive enough and no one would even want to talk to me. I found out last night that I was wrong. I am attractive enough and if I put myself out there, there will always be someone interested in getting to know me.

I’m never going to call the guy and he and I will probably never see each other again. It doesn’t matter. He was exactly what I needed to get my confidence back. Cute men aren’t always scary and there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself out there. I’m glad I talked to him because it got me out of my slump.

I’m back, baby!

no more hiding for this girl!

P.S. Merry Christmas everyone!

The thing that I love about the holidays are the songs that are played on the radio. All the Christmas classics that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside – best time of the year!

It wasn’t until today, however, that I realized that I actually don’t know any holiday song all the way through.

I started singing the song “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” this morning while making breakfast. As I start flipping my pancakes, the lyrics come out of my mouth in this way:”Have a holly jolly Christmas! It’s the best time of the year…..mmmmm mmm mm mmmm mmm mmmmmmmmmmmm mmm. HA~AVE a holly jolly Christmas!” And then the cycle repeats.

4 times.

My mom, after listening in the corner for a while, suddenly asks, “Do you actually know the rest of the lyrics to that song?”

I didn’t.

And the sad thing is, there are many other holiday songs that I don’t know all the way through, like:

• “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the ones I used to know…..” and then what?
• “Oh the weather outside is frightful and the fire is so delightful/ and since we’ve no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! ….” and then what?
• “Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin’? in the lane snow is glistenin’! …..” and then what??
• “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!!…” yeah, I don’t know how the rest goes
• “I’ll be home for Christmas…” that’s all I got

Am I crazy? I can’t be the only one who only memorizes a few lines in holiday songs, can I?  Let me know if you actually know the complete lyrics of a holiday song!

Hey there, it’s been a while. I know I haven’t written to you since I was 6, on account of the fact that my mom was really bad at pretending to be you – I asked her why Santa uses our wrapping paper and she couldn’t answer – and the fact that the house I lived in didn’t have a chimney.

But this year, I’m writing because I have a request. Well, several requests. I haven’t asked for anything from you since I was 6, for goodness sakes, so I think I should be allowed to ask for more than one gift this year.

What I really want is for my life to be perfect, but since I know that this is impossible, even for the king of Christmas miracles such as yourself, so I’m instead asking for things that will help me get closer to that goal.

You see, I feel like the leading lady of a romantic comedy. I am a smart twenty-something young woman who works all the time and has no time for much else. The only difference is that I live in the real world and not a ridiculous fantasy movie world, and gorgeous men do not come my way.

This is really just a cry for help. I’ve been a good girl for the past 15 years so help me out? You don’t even have to wrap these and any one of them will do just fine.

• No more student loans - I, like millions of other students in the world, have student loans. It’d be wonderful if it just… disappeared. It really puts a damper on my spirits when I even start to think about how long it will take me to pay it all off :/
• Longer legs - at 5’3, it’s hard to look modelesque in any picture and it’s hard to wear maxi dresses. I always feel like I am trying to compensate for my height and it sucks. Give me just a few more inches in height, please?
• A young Gregory Peck  -
  There’s something sexy about a man who just exudes intelligence and charisma. Look at this specimen of a man and tell me he is not attractive. All I can say is, nice job, Veronique Passani.
• Time and money to travel the world - My goal in life is to go to every continent in the world. I am missing Antarctica and Australia. Alas, I don’t have money, nor the time to travel to even New York.
• Guarantee of a job after I graduate - The job market being what it is, I would love to know that I even have a chance at getting a job. All I know is that I have student loans to pay (see first bullet point above, Santa) and I don’t know how I’m going to do that without a job.
• Captain Shang from Mulan -
  Yes, this man is from a culturally inaccurate film that my 8-year-old self was slightly annoyed about. And yes, he is not real. But he is the most wonderful animated man in the world. Do you challenge me on this? Let me convince you. 1) He is as swift as the coursing river 2) has all the force of a great typhoon 3) has all  the strength of a raging fire and finally, 4) is as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. Under my non-existent tree is where I better find him. Never mind that he is animated. We’ll work out those issues later.
• Discipline - Being a senior in school, combined with the leniency of my professors during my study abroad, wiped out any shred of discipline that I had prior to 2009. If you find my discipline, I want it under my tree for Christmas so I can have it for my last semester of college. Thanks, Santa.